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The Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time #27: Marcus “SONIC BOOM!” Giles

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If only Sammy had finished the job.

Look! Up in the air! It’s a middle infielder nearly as short as the ones the Cubs love collecting! It’s an average second baseman who put up average numbers against most of the teams in the National League! It’s a tiny little guy who mysteriously starting slamming home runs, but then shrunk and couldn’t stay healthy at the end of his short career! It’s the 27th-biggest Cub killer of my time, Marcus Giles!

Marcus Giles is only 33 years old, and he has already been out of baseball for four years, having made over $10M in seven seasons. I’m 33 years old, it takes me at least an hour a day just to get through my feed reader, and sometimes I take naps. THE MIRACLES OF STEROIDS!

The Atlanta Braves took a “chance” on an 18-year-old Marcus Giles with their 53rd-round pick of the 1996 draft, the same round that saw the Pittsburgh Pirates take one-day Cub Killer, Rob Mackowiak. At the age of 20, Giles slammed 37 home runs and drove in 108 RBIs in 135 games with the Single-A Macon Braves.

After posting OPSes of no less than .830 in each of his minor league seasons, Giles had his first cup of coffee in 2001. On April 17, 2001, Giles started at second base for the hometown Braves. In what is every man’s childhood fantasy, he grounded into a double play in his very first MLB at-bat, and went 0-2 during the 3-2 Braves loss.

After spending most of the 2001 season up and down between the Braves and their minor-league system, Giles made his debut against the Cubs on August 31, 2001. Giles led off and played second base at Turner Field. Though Giles went 0-3, he still managed to draw two walks in an 8-2 Cubs win.

Giles spent the first six of his seven Major League seasons with the Braves before he was granted free agency after the 2006 season. In a story heard by few and cared about by even fewer, he played the 2007 season with his big (headed) brother Brian on the San Diego Padres. AAAWWWWWWW(ful)!

Throughout the course of his MLB career, Giles hit a perfectly respectable .277/.353/.429. Against the Cubs, however, it was a different story. Oh, how he loved to hit against the Cubs. In 37 games against the Northsiders, Giles batted .344/.402/.539. In only 154 at-bats, Giles drove in 25 RBIs and scored 23 runs. Yes, the jowly little pud only had 154 at-bats versus the Cubs. It just FELT like a million.

Giles seemingly enjoyed his visits to Wrigley Field, where he hit .351/.415/.554. He hit 3 of his 5 home runs off the Cubs at Wrigley and drove in 18 of his 25 RBIs.

Oh, and whoever runs MarcusGiles.com fucking LOVES pictures of him flying through the air.

Why You Should Hate Him: July 11, 2003. OH, I REMEMBER THAT GAME! Giles may be the first member of the T79 to actually kill the career of a Cub. Because one can argue that he did just that. In the bottom of the second inning, Mark Prior drew a two-out walk off of Braves starter Mike Hampton. Mark Grudzielanek hit a ground ball to Giles, Giles murdered Mark Prior, Dusty Baker fucking SENT MARK PRIOR BACK TO THE MOUND TO PITCH THE NEXT INNING, and Mark Prior was irrevocably broken. Oh, and DREAMBOAT MARK DeROSA OMG pinch-hit for Giles, who was also knocked out of the game due to the collision.

Did You Know? Apparently in the minors, Giles used to sleep on the luggage racks. You know. Because he’s TINY. Also, his head is shaped like a valise.

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